Author: Angela S.

Beautiful Monstrosities


“Deep into that darkness peering, long I stood there, wondering, fearing, doubting, dreaming dreams no mortal ever dared to dream before.”
– Edgar Allan Poe, The Raven

I have once seen a vision of a woman stripped of her hopes and dreams, left with nothing but the purist of suffering and endless weeks of solitude. They marked her with the holly of hopelessness and tattooed her with the symbols of shame. When she was at that abyss’ edge between wishing for death and longing for peace, they took her from her wooden cage. Singing songs of prayer, they nailed her hands upon the floor. There, she dreams, dreams forever more.

But the dreaming has ended and the nightmares have begun, for the Sleeping Priestess will not lie in peace.

If you don’t know this scene, than you haven’t played Fatal Frame 3, one of my favorite video games of all time. You may not know this about me, but I am an avid fan of horror video games (not survival horror, but psychological horror). Silly, I know, considering I tend to draw such pristine and shiny things as angels. It’s around this time of year that I whip out my collection of Silent Hill and Fatal Frame games and let the shimmering worlds of nightmares, dripping walls, and deep, disturbing folklore soak into my bones.

I wonder sometimes why we are drawn to such images of the grotesque? Why on earth would I enjoy a game where the walls crawl with something that looks disturbingly like entrails or the ghost of a poor woman who was once sacrificed lurches inexorably towards me with an accursed touch? Why should I enjoy such a game rather than enjoying online casino game in a top rated casino and spending my time winning huge amount of money. There is an inescapable artistry to it that disturbs and fascinates me. Enthralling are these games like Silent Hill that can tell the story of ones dreams and nightmares affecting the real world for one like myself who has had plenty of dreams and nightmares plaguing them in the wee hours.

I don’t think it’s too much of a leap to ask ourselves the same question about macabre art and literature. From the works of Tim Burton and Neil Gaiman to some of the more grotesque perversions of Dali and the Surrealists, how can we look at things which are not considered ‘beautiful’ and find them fascinating? It seems against common sense, but I could stare at Dali’s work for hours pondering what tormented dreams he must have had, or curl up with Edgar Allan Poe’s stories and delight in all the images of masks and swirling dancers falling to the floor that Masque of the Red Death conjures for me.

The macabre is not for everyone, but there is certainly an audience for it, including myself. I find I am particularly fascinated by those stories that speak of the human spirit’s endearing ability to affect the living, even after death, or that terrifying potential of the mind to create illogical nightmares that feel so real while we’re having them. Much of the artwork and writing I have done which is not so well known are those which depict lucid dreams and nightmares, which somehow easily bridge into horror more than anything else. It’s a fascination with dreams and the mood of dreaming that really attract me to certain types of horror. I’m also a sucker for a good mystery, which horror stories of the psychological nature generally center around.

That’s my theory, anyways. I’m curious to know what yours are? Do you have a penchant for the macabre? Or are you left wondering why on earth anyone would enjoy such a thing?

Share with me your dark little secrets and remember to have a safe and spooky Halloween!

Image by Tecmo Ltd.

Killing the Muse

I must begin this journal with a disclaimer. This topic is perhaps one of the topics I am most passionate about, so please forgive my fervor if any of this offends you.

I’ve noticed a pattern lately, particularly at anime conventions, where fellow artists set up their tables, toss up a “will work for food” sign, and litter their booths with fan art because that is what sells at anime cons. There seems an atmosphere of desperation that’s almost sweltering with the $10 originals and $5 quickie sketches while the rest of us who are charging what we’re worth are left to the mercy of undercut prices. Besides selling yourself short, the other half of what bothers me so much about this practice is the sheer hopelessness of these artists. Not every artist in an anime convention artist alley is this way, but it’s something I notice more at anime conventions in general.

Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy a well crafted and well thought out homage to anime. Selling fan art is not the problem, it’s the intention behind selling the fan art. I have gotten the response from some of these artists about how they can’t sell their original work because it’s fluffy and idealistic to think one can make money off of drawing what they love. My response to them is that if you’re looking for a quick bang for your buck, the art world is not the one for you. For one, it is certainly not guaranteed for many of us to make money right out of school, though I have heard of it happening. Success in any creative profession is about doing what you love and standing out in the crowd for it. Doing what you love and doing it well…because there are a thousand others trying to do the same thing. If you have no passion, you’re more than likely to be a flicker next to a candle in the crowd.

(EDIT for clarification) For example, if you’re selling fan art in the artist alley, what will a customer be more likely to buy? The half-inspired doodle of Sasuke or the inspired, or at the very least masterfully crafted, image of Sasuke that really says something about the character and your love of him? This same concept can be applied to the creative field as a whole.

I used to be in the same position where I thought I could not make money with the subjects I enjoyed (an unfortunate byproduct of a gallery-focused fine art education). That is, until I started talking to more professionals in my field (and in other creative fields as well, for that matter!). Every single one of them has told me the same thing during interviews:

“It’s scary relying on the uncertain, but do what you love and they will find you. Doing anything else is a way to get stuck designing cereal boxes till you don’t care anymore.”


If you market yourself to draw the popular things you don’t even remotely enjoy drawing, you are going to burn out quick because that is all anyone will ever want to hire you for. This business takes patience, focus, and self-motivation. Forcing yourself into it just to make a buck generally leads to sub-par work because you are not challenging yourself or fostering your inspiration and you just cannot compete with other people in the same field who genuinely enjoy and love what they’re doing.

I am not naive enough to think an artist or creative individual will always be inspired for every single job they’re hired for, but if these sorts of jobs become more numerous than the ones you enjoy in even the slightest capacity, than something’s gotta give. Why? Why torture yourself if you don’t enjoy it even a little anymore? There must be a breaking point where you discover just how much your creativity is worth to you.

Why not just get another job that’ll help pay the bills, and then do art on the side because you can truly enjoy it rather than be held prisoner by the motivation of money? Don’t kill yourself! Don’t kill your muse! If the single motivation of your art is to make money without any enjoyment of what you’re doing whatsoever, than I can almost guarantee you that it is not worth it.

(Another EDIT for clarification XD) However, as Brenda pointed out in the comments, if making money is your enjoyment and that doesn’t harm your inspiration or quality of work, than more power to you! I realize not all people operate the same way I do.

My plea to you, the desperate undercutting artists, the money focused fan art peddlers who are afraid to explore their limits, the hopeless and uninspired who feel trapped by their profession, you have options. There is no shame in guarding your inspiration as a hobby if you cannot do it as a profession. There is no dishonor in doing such a thing.

Please stop torturing yourselves! It is painful to watch…

Terrible Dawn + Announcements


“Terrible Dawn”
5×7 Inches, Watercolor & Color Pencil on Illustration Board

A brilliant blade flashes in the deepest dark. All who fear the light know her, for she is the Terrible Dawn, the slaughterer of demons and the blinding brilliance of Heaven.


She was really only meant to be a ‘minor’ illustration, but she just stole my focus and demanded more attention than a mere day. Could it be her resemblance to my muse, Aurora? She’s almost what I imagine Aurora to look like if she were transmogrified into an angel. Either way, this was much fun and an excellent test run of the Series 500 Wet Media Board from Strathmore.

All in all, it seems this board is an excellent upgrade from earlier series. It takes abuse well with wet-in-wet techniques, absorbs hue quicker and more effectively, and seems a general improvement all around over the regular cold press illustration board I’ve been using. Color pencil took to the surface just as well as it had with previous cold press board. I had some minor issues near the figure’s cheek bone where the line became ragged because the surface of the paper began to peel up and create tiny hairs, but I think this issue can be avoided if one waits more thoroughly for paper to dry between layers (I’m an impatient cuss). I like this new board, but will have to experiment more with future pieces to test its full capabilities.

In other news, after much toil and effort and caffeinated nights, I’m proud to release the new Amazon webstore of Angelic Shades! I’ll slowly be migrating the current offerings on my website over to this new webstore over the next few months. Since Amazon doesn’t allow bewbies, any mature rated items will be moving over to my Etsy shop.

Want to keep abreast of new items and offerings? Sign up for my mailing list or keep an eye on the News section of my forum.

All plugging aside, I expect to write a review of my experiences with the Amazon webstore interface once I have gotten a better feel for its expansive features. My first impression is that this shop setup is not for beginners. There’s a bit of a learning curve with all it’s features, not to mention a great deal of setting up you have to have as a business to even be eligible to use the Amazon format.

Till next time, Bat fans!

A Halo and an Attitude WIP

Continuing my pattern of more art sharing, here’s the progress on the sketch I showed you last entry. Ms. Tude is coming along nicely and despite her small size at 5×7 inches, she’s holding her own.

For this image I’m testing out the new illustration board from Strathmore called the 500 Series Wet Media Board, which has been sized specifically to suit the needs of wet media. I’ve always had a problem with the paint drying too fast or the surface not absorbing enough hue to make such effects like salt blooms work consistently on regular cold press illustration board. I’ve also had issues with the vibrancy of colors being somewhat less brilliant than watercolor paper. I’m happy to report this new board seems more absorbent-friendly. I’ve been abusing it with wet-in-wet techniques and salt crystals without much sign of buckling or problems with color vibrancy.

The layering continues and I’ll be back next entry with the completed painting and the final verdict on the wet media board.

A Halo and an Attitude WIP

Continuing my pattern of more art sharing, here’s the progress on the sketch I showed you last entry. Ms. Tude is coming along nicely and despite her small size at 5×7 inches, she’s holding her own.

For this image I’m testing out the new illustration board from Strathmore called the 500 Series Wet Media Board, which has been sized specifically to suit the needs of wet media. I’ve always had a problem with the paint drying too fast or the surface not absorbing enough hue to make such effects like salt blooms work consistently on regular cold press illustration board. I’ve also had issues with the vibrancy of colors being somewhat less brilliant than watercolor paper. I’m happy to report this new board seems more absorbent-friendly. I’ve been abusing it with wet-in-wet techniques and salt crystals without much sign of buckling or problems with color vibrancy.

The layering continues and I’ll be back next entry with the completed painting and the final verdict on the wet media board.

Sketch Dump – Halos

Thought you guys might enjoy a sneak peek into things I’m working on plus art!

This week, the topic of my project is the halo. Halo comes from the Latin halōs or nimbus, meaning cloud, round, circle, sun, and moon. While the Greek origination meant threshing floor. In modern language, it has evolved to interchangeably act as both a verb and a noun, meaning to surround, or to give an atmosphere of sanctity, alongside other various meteorological implications.

As for art, the representations of halos seem endless in variety, from the solid metallic rings in medieval paintings to the more subtle implied halos formed by light in modern works. In exploring this topic, I’ve come to realize that halos are far more than the stereotypical golden ring that comes standard issue with harp. One can even go as far as to examine the ornate decorations of Buddhist mandalas for halo inspiration. Many divine beings are surrounded by a decorative accent, or halo, across the art of many cultures.

And now the promised art!

This first sketch is a combination of spot illustrations of various types of halos, from the implied to the pattern-inspired barbed wire one. The star halo you see was inspired by art nouveau, which was itself inspired similarly by religious imagery depicting the Lady of the Apocalypse, who was symbolized by the figure of Mary crowned by 12 stars. As you can see, the possibilities for halos are limited only by our imagination!

Next is a little painting I’ll be working on to illustrate how to create a halo from radiating lines. She was really only meant to be a minor character illustrated for this purpose, but I’ve fallen in love with her attitude.

My musical inspiration for this topic was Noose by A Perfect Circle. Some inspirational lyrics for you. (I’m morbid, I know):

With heaven’s help
You’ve cast your demons out
And not to pull your halo down
Around your neck and tug you off your cloud
But I’m more than just a little curious
How you’re plannin’ to go about makin’ your amends
To the dead

Stay tuned for the next post where I’ll have a few more random factoids and painting progress to show! I hope you have enjoyed this interlude of artistic meandering.

PS
I find it funny that the scientific definition of ‘halo’ as a prefix stands for salt or sea. It really mixes up the mental images for a halo in a weird way!

Going Official Celebration! + More Art to Come

There is a saying that every journey begins with a single step. Sometimes we fall, trip, or get distracted from the path by shiny objects. Eventually we reach a point where we can stop and realize there is more of the road behind us than there is ahead. You’re almost there! Almost…

I’m happy to report that after much deliberation on the matter, I have finally registered as a sole proprietor art studio in my county. It was not as scary as I would have thought it to be. I was imagining men in suits with monocles there to tell me I didn’t make enough or that I suddenly owed money because I haven’t been organized with my practices till this point. Instead, I got pleasant clerks who kindly directed me to the proper locations and smiled wide at my mom and I high-fiving when we finally received the little cardstock business license. There wasn’t much fuss, besides filing the wrong paperwork because I didn’t realize we’re technically an unincorporated residence out here in the boonies of Georgia.

If anyone is particularly curious, we are registered as a home-based business, which means that no retail sales are occurring on the premises (as I sell art purely online or via 3rd party venues, at this point). This sort of designation works for artists, authors, seamstresses, etc who provide a service without actually handling retail sales in a structure (meaning we don’t need to worry about safety permits and the like that other businesses would need, or at least this is how things work in my county)

Numbers can be scary, and while this means I will have to pay more attention to things like proper book keeping, I am so relieved to finally be organized, to have all those numbers and slips of papers that mean I have nothing holding me back from moving forward with this venture. The number of things to fear are growing less and less.

Now pass around the margaritas, throw a steak on the barbie, and shout to the Heavens, it’s time to kick some butt and show the world I mean business (literally).

For the next entry, I think I’m going to actually show you guys progress shots of the next paintings I’m working on. I realized that for a blog entitled ‘the Art Blog of Angela Sasser’, I haven’t really posted much artwork!

So prepare thyselves for some visual stimulation, in the meanwhile.

Only In Our Dreams: The Denigration of Fantasy


I remember a time in college when I found myself so incredibly frustrated by my homework and completely lost as to what to do with myself. I wanted to draw angels and elves, not splatter paint on a canvas and call it art. I didn’t want to tear up little bits of my journal entries, stick them in jars, and talk about how this was a wonderfully artistic bearing of my soul. This sort of expression just wasn’t me. My personal issues were for friends and family only. Why should I put them in jars for other people to puzzle over? Why should I abandon my long beloved symbols that I was impassioned for? Why, all the sudden, did fantasy become invalid as a form of expression in a School of Fine Art?

I understand the answer now that I have completed school and had a great deal of time to ponder my frustration. If I didn’t experiment outside of my comfort zones, I never would have discovered the joy of experimentation and how this has enriched my ability to express myself. Sticking to a single genre and never exploring has a way of stagnating your work, your art, and your inspiration. Still, I never forgot the eyeroll that came with admitting to some that I was an avid lover of fantasy. This extended not only to the art community, but to the writing community as well. My love of exaggerated descriptions and epic tales did not go over so well in my Creative Writing classes either.

So why is it that Fantasy, as a genre, is no longer seen as ‘High Art’ by the intellectual majority? Somewhere over the years we seemed to have lost our appreciation of the paintings of dryads, Naiads, and all manner of mythological folk. The Knight and the Dragon, the Damsel in the Tower, the Unlikely Hero Versus the Orc/Goblin/Dark Wizard, it’s all been liquified, told, and retold again till it has no meaning, no impact anymore. The magic of the myths has faded to a passing fancy, a colorful tale to be told and pondered and thrown away. Perhaps because people no longer believe in faeries or the wrath of the gods? Perhaps because these roles (or rather the execution of them), as Joseph Campbell prescribes, are no longer relevant to our modern society who crave something updated? Perhaps because we no longer need illustrated stories to teach us about the mysteries of the universe?

We are no longer the illiterate adult majority who used art to experience the emotion and morals of stories. There are few of us who remember the meaning of flowers or the very specific numerology of medieval imagery. Even for those of us who do study these symbols, the spiritual influence is not as fervent as those in the past who relied heavily on the act of venerating art in order to understand the passion and morals passed on by the stories these illustrative paintings were inspired by.

These days, we can pick up books ourselves without having to rely on the teachings of provocative images. We are told by art historians what pieces deserve our respect. Is that why there is a division between ‘low brow’ Fantasy and ‘high brow’ Romantic art? Because we are told there is? Or maybe there’s just too much out there so we’ve truly lost touch with the uniqueness of these original pieces? I always found it amusing that a modern artist could paint a dryad, but it would only be seen as Fantasy, while older paintings of the same subject are classified as “Romantic” and somehow more classical and valid. Like Duchamp, who first set a commode on a pedestal and called it art, no one can ever do such a thing again without being compared to the first person who had the great idea to do something different.

Perhaps Fantasy is merely escapism? A way for us to experience idealistic morals, beautiful figures, and perfectly rounded narratives? I, personally, find this definition an oversimplification of a genre capable of so much more. True, there is an element of escapism, but to say that’s all there is to it seems an understatement. Fantasy presents a way for us to tap into various parts of ourselves, a fear of the unknown, an indulgence of what we can and cannot do, as well as a way for us to reveal stories that tap into that long dormant sense of wonder and primal fear we remember only in our dreams.

In this modern (or is it post-modern?) era, we’ve given up the purity of genre and married things like Fantasy to Drama, Comedy with Horror, and have truly pushed the definitions that have kept things like ‘Fantasy’ from becoming respected art forms. I can only hope that strolling down the street, I’ll see more museum exhibitions like this one and more stories of a fantastical nature working their way into academia.

Just a bundle of questions for you guys to ponder. Whatever the reason for the denigration of Fantasy, I am content knowing I am not alone in its appreciation, that there are others who, for whatever reason, arrive at the conclusion there is more to its richness than bulging heroes, pretty ladies, repetitive epics, and hard to pronounce names.

Image: “The Lady of Shalott” by John Waterhouse.

Are Artists Crazy?


Now attempting to get this blog back onto it’s usual Wednesday/Sunday schedule. I’ve been so tied up in conventions and deadlines I’ve neglected any sort of regular schedule. But I’m back and ready to ramble!

For this week, I thought I’d bring to light an amusing conversation between my boyfriend and I. He has come to the conclusion from dating me that…artists are crazy.

Not like cut up your husband and serve them as pie crazy, but just on a different wavelength than most usual people. Of course, my own point of view is a little different, stemming from my idea that talent is something that is more trained than inherent. My defense against artists being loonies is that we’re no different than anyone else with a passion for what they love to do. Is passion so rare these days that it’s considered crazy?

Artists, and creative people in general, live their lives with one eye open always seeking to learn, improve, or to see something unique in the mundane. Like mathematicians, we seek symbols and some form of order in chaos that’s expressible by the living hand, the writing, the painting, or the pen. I’m no different than my boyfriend, who spends hours obsessing over countless numbered sequences, hardware compatibility issues, and the tiny systems of circuits that form the interconnected body of the computer. He finds joy in that kind of chaos. I merely obsess over how to better capture human expression, the methods for mixing colors, and how to build better compositions.

Spending hours trying to figure out why a computer won’t accept a wireless router signal, now THAT’s crazy to me. I’d rather just toss it at my boyfriend and be done with it. Having that amount of insane patience is crazy, to me.

Yet even in the movies, I see the stereotypes. Artists are the tragic figures, the aloof lovers, the serial killers, the crazies with their heads in the clouds. Are we really that scary? Does it taking cutting off one’s ear or dying of a drug overdose to truly complete our identities as artists? Or can we be just as approachable as other normal people?

And yet, I can understand the idea that artists just don’t fit into certain social situations. During my training as an Arts Administrator, it was amusing to see the differences between accountants, actors, and art directors. There’s a definite shift in focus from ‘budget’ to ‘vision’ and an effort to balance sense and creativity into a cohesive whole. Similarly, I have many relatives who just don’t understand why I’m willing to take a dangerous path of uncertain paychecks over using my perfectly competent computer skills to pursue working as a secretary instead.

I suppose I like the danger of the creative edge and the ability to do something I truly love. Drawing is like a drug for me. If I don’t do it within three days, I start to get antsy and doodle on napkins. If I can’t do something creative with myself, I feel pretty useless. I can’t sit and watch TV at night without having my hands busy with a project. I don’t listen to music unless it inspires some sort of mental image for a story or a drawing (though on occasion I’ll love music just for its mood or beat).

Perhaps that’s what makes me that non-homicidal brand of ‘crazy’? I notice I tend to be drawn towards other people of the same creative spirit, or those who have a similar appreciation for the side of life that invites one to think beyond the norm. I have friends who aren’t artists and friends who are, but all of us share a love for the odd side of things.

For me, where’s the fun in life if you’re just striving to survive? The human mind is capable of so much more.

Maybe I am a little crazy. I look up at the sky and think what a lovely shade of Cobalt Blue or Light Cerulean it is today.

Perhaps that is not normal?

What sorts of stereotypes of creative people have you seen or experienced? How do your significant others deal with your creative side? Let us talk and be mad together.

The Future This Way Comes

I’ve not been able to sleep for a few nights lately. Here I am again toiling in this journal when I should be sleeping. The past few months of conventions have been a sobering, and inspiring, few. So many questions have been echoing around in my head.

Will I be able to work as an artist for a living? Will all this hard work pay off? Where is my next job going to come from? How can I improve as an artist? How can I keep up with competition when there are so many awesome people out there?

And more importantly, what’s my plan now?

That thought is a disturbing one at times because I feel like I can only half answer the question, being one who is perpetually learning the ropes of trying to make it as a professional artist. I fear the slightest thing will cause my efforts to crumble. Yet, I have to remind myself that little achievements ARE worth something, even if I’m not quite in the ‘big leagues’ just yet. The tables I’ve been running at conventions have made just enough to cover the costs. The next few fairs and conventions are bound to only improve as I learn and evolve how I want to present myself to the world.

Every flower starts with a seed and every professional started off at this level. It’s a mantra I have to repeat to myself over and over. Even when there’s a mountain of things to do that threaten to bury my resolve. The Pyramaids began with a single brick (and lots of slave labor, but I don’t quite have that luxury).

I sense something just beyond my fingertips on the horizon, some whisper of hope brushing my fingerstips. Several of the projects I have been working on are slowly eking their way into existence. Plans for new series of artwork that really push my limits as an artist are in the works, and my eventual plan to branch into authorship as an author-illustrator are beginning to take shape as well. After so many years of searching, I have finally found the stories I want to tell, even if I’m not quite sure yet how I want to portray them or if I’m skilled enough to portray them to the standard of illustrative quality I want to be at.

It feels like with all this preparation and toiling that I hardly have time to feed the creative soul. I really plan to release the beast with these new series, but there is no time for them at the present while I am working on paying projects and on organizing the business side of things.

That fear of the future can be paralyzing too, especially when you take time away from feeding your creativity to pay homage to the baser elements of being a professional. Unlike a mere job, however, this one is tied inextricably to my need to create and to be happy. If I fail, will that die too? If I delve too deeply into the ‘mechanical’ side of making money, will that creative spirit fade?

And while I dance from foot to foot trying to figure it all out, will my future pass me by in the meantime, wondering why I’m late to the party and showing up in mismatched socks?

So I do what helps me feel like I’m in control. I make lists and feel like I am achieving something as I mark each task off:

– Get Amazon shop running
– Buy art fair displays and wireless credit card charger
– Finish the semi-secret book project
– Hit the art fair world by storm and make the old ladies cry!
– Figure out where to start with this whole licensing deal
– Take over the world!
– End this blog and go to bed.

Well that’s one off the list at least! What do you guys have in mind for your lists at the moment?